"I only want happiness,"
she whispered as people started to throw 2018 calendar into their bins. But, this girl, she took her 2018 and saved it in ther thoughts-library safely. She could never ever throw that year away.
"Too much darkness," she thought to herself.
"I'm scared if people find this, they're gonna absorb it. And they'll become what they're afraid of."
As month changes, every midnight before it turns, she whispered that sentences. It becomes her mantra.
"I only want happiness. Please new month, bring me happiness."
And the Universe listens.
As I watched her, she grew up, really beautiful. She blossomed - as she always wishes. The Highest Being has granted her her dreams. Prayers have been heard. She has happiness in her mind and serenity in her heart. Joy follows her wherever her feet step. Laughters are her daily melodies. She's never been this happy.
Oh, I think, she has!
When she was still a little kid. She was naive at that time. She thought dreams exist and happiness is forever. She's, now, still naive, only older. Now, she knew, she craved this on her skin,
"dreams keep me alive."
And like I said, it does come true.
She's been watching how God continuously amazes her. She never lets worries steal her smile - not even once. And she's aware, it's never her power to do such thing. It is always that word, which usually warms her heart everytime she hears it: grace.
Oh yeah.
We often get into debate, me and her, over big or small things. However, I would never debate her over this. This is what we agreed on.
It is all grace.
Grace keeps us breathing. Grace keeps us surviving. Grace keeps us.
If I look to myself a year ago at this very hour, I would be crying while trying to decide when would be the best day to die. I would be crying - asking God what He wanted me to do with my life. Asking God why dreams felt like nightmares. Asking why the idea of life itself made me upset.
She, who is happily existing today, and also celebrating her quarter-century age, would not be here, if it is not because of grace. Not even a cell in her body will disagree with my statement.
Now, look at her! She is taking her throne back. Creating her own crown and putting it on top of her head.
Look at her smile! Wouldn't your lips smile along with her only by looking at it?
I smile with her.
See? She is creating! She is living her life!
Although, at one point, happiness did mean blocking a thousand accounts on her social media. I don't blame her. She has realised, her sun always shines, along with her days and laughs. It is other people's rain who drowns her all this time. I'm glad she's able to control her own forecast! I would never do that. Not because I wanted to, but because I didn't have the power.
She's now looking at her favorite existence since God was: the Earth.
I knew, she never hates the rain. She never hates the moon and her darkness. She never hates the night. She loves all of them.
But, she's learning to stay still in her own storm. And she does not have to sacrifice herself, only to bring the sun into others' lives, who often are not worth it.
She is 25 now. She is also 5.
She has her power. She has her weaknesses.
She creates. She writes. She speaks. She sings. She laughs. She dances. She cries. She smiles. She loves. She lives.
She adopted an act of gratitude towards her own realities. She is aware that God is always working. Therefore, she must do her part too.
She has plans. She knows God does too. We will both see, if her plans fit God's.
She said, she loves to keep her options open. As she loves challenges, and a bit of adrenaline, and a lot of caffeine.
After all, we both are thankful, for deciding to choose life over death, 365 days ago.
Xoxoxo,
2018-Novriana.
