A Nameless Woman at the Well

She is a faithful unknown

Genuine curiosity

When she got the opportunity

What every religious men

In their long prayers and worships

Could have ever asked for

She went to the well
Of the most well-known
In the silence under the bright sun
We left with her father’s name
She was a daughter of Jacob
A nameless daughter

feelings: an extraction.

every night before the old month changed into the new, i would pray. new month brings mysteries and the unexpected. i hated it. i mean the last word.

every morning on the first day of the fresh new month, i would chant this mantra.
"i only want happiness. pour it over me, for this month."

that was my hope. that little hope kept me going from one month to another. because imagining how i would pass this year is like attracting nightmares and bad dreams for me. so, i took just the baby step. little and firm.

let yourself lose.

a strange feeling
going back
to your cocoon
yet it feels anew

the dust
of my last step
weeks ago still marked
the corridor

25.

"I only want happiness,"

she whispered as people started to throw 2018 calendar into their bins. But, this girl, she took her 2018 and saved it in ther thoughts-library safely. She could never ever throw that year away.

"Too much darkness," she thought to herself.

"I'm scared if people find this, they're gonna absorb it. And they'll become what they're afraid of."

As month changes, every midnight before it turns, she whispered that sentences. It becomes her mantra.

"I only want happiness. Please new month, bring me happiness."

And the Universe listens.

As I watched her, she grew up, really beautiful. She blossomed - as she always wishes. The Highest Being has granted her her dreams. Prayers have been heard. She has happiness in her mind and serenity in her heart. Joy follows her wherever her feet step. Laughters are her daily melodies. She's never been this happy.

Oh, I think, she has!

When she was still a little kid. She was naive at that time. She thought dreams exist and happiness is forever. She's, now, still naive, only older. Now, she knew, she craved this on her skin,

"dreams keep me alive."

And like I said, it does come true.

She's been watching how God continuously amazes her. She never lets worries steal her smile - not even once. And she's aware, it's never her power to do such thing. It is always that word, which usually warms her heart everytime she hears it: grace.

Oh yeah.

We often get into debate, me and her, over big or small things. However, I would never debate her over this. This is what we agreed on.

It is all grace.

Grace keeps us breathing. Grace keeps us surviving. Grace keeps us.

If I look to myself a year ago at this very hour, I would be crying while trying to decide when would be the best day to die. I would be crying - asking God what He wanted me to do with my life. Asking God why dreams felt like nightmares. Asking why the idea of life itself made me upset.

She, who is happily existing today, and also celebrating her quarter-century age, would not be here, if it is not because of grace. Not even a cell in her body will disagree with my statement.

Now, look at her! She is taking her throne back. Creating her own crown and putting it on top of her head.

Look at her smile! Wouldn't your lips smile along with her only by looking at it?

I smile with her.

See? She is creating! She is living her life!

Although, at one point, happiness did mean blocking a thousand accounts on her social media. I don't blame her. She has realised, her sun always shines, along with her days and laughs. It is other people's rain who drowns her all this time. I'm glad she's able to control her own forecast! I would never do that. Not because I wanted to, but because I didn't have the power.

She's now looking at her favorite existence since God was: the Earth.

 I knew, she never hates the rain. She never hates the moon and her darkness. She never hates the night. She loves all of them.

But, she's learning to stay still in her own storm. And she does not have to sacrifice herself, only to bring the sun into others' lives, who often are not worth it.

She is 25 now. She is also 5.

She has her power. She has her weaknesses.

She creates. She writes. She speaks. She sings. She laughs. She dances. She cries. She smiles. She loves. She lives.

She adopted an act of gratitude towards her own realities. She is aware that God is always working. Therefore, she must do her part too.

She has plans. She knows God does too. We will both see, if her plans fit God's.

She said, she loves to keep her options open. As she loves challenges, and a bit of adrenaline, and a lot of caffeine.

After all, we both are thankful, for deciding to choose life over death, 365 days ago.

Xoxoxo,

2018-Novriana.

a sentimental note on self-love.

If we are not meant to be together, I will remember, that it's not me who is not deserving you. It means, your vibration doesn't match mine. I have big dreams that yet to come true. I have powerful vibe. I create my own realities. And I'll be okay without you.

And if by keeping my standards high and my vibe beyond, I must lose you, it is okay too. I can accept it. I accept it with joy. Because I know, I will find someone better than you, someone who matches my energy, who aspires to dream high with me, and to fly together.

I am giving up on you. I chose me. I will never stop to choose me over anything or anyone else. My dreams are waiting. The brightness of my future is bedazzling. With or without you, I will be happy. And I am.

Bumi Bukan Tempat Singgah

Teologi lingkungan atau yang juga dikenal sebagai ekoteologi sering berbicara bahwa kita harus menyelamatkan alam karena alam memiliki nilai tersendiri di dalam keluarga Allah. Apa yang kita maksud dengan nilai? Semakin banyak saya membaca tentang ekoteologi, semakin saya menyadari bahwa ekoteologi yang didiskusikan dalam dunia teologi terlalu abstrak. Kita meromantisir masalah degradasi alam melalui kehidupan religius yang puitis. Tampaknya ekoteologi hanya terdiri dari konsep ideal tentang bagaimana kita seharusnya tidak mengeksploitasi alam. Saya ragu bahwa ide-ide ini bahkan memberikan pertimbangan yang cukup untuk korporasi untuk lebih memedulikan lingkungan. 

Kita tidak dapat menyalahkan Alkitab karena tidak berbicara secara pasti tentang krisis ekologis. Penulis-penulis Alkitab akhirnya mungkin lebih peduli tentang hubungan Tuhan dengan umat manusia atau kelompok dalam manusia daripada tentang hubungan Tuhan dengan Bumi secara keseluruhan. Ketiadaan fokus kepada lingkungan mungkin terjadi karena tidak ada krisis ekologis ketika Alkitab mulai ditulis ribuan tahun yang lalu. Ada juga kemungkinan kita tidak akan mendiskusikan isi Alkitab dalam dalam konteks krisis ekologis, jika tidak ada krisis ekologis saat ini.

"Lalu Allah memberkati hari ketujuh itu dan menguduskannya..."

Empat tahun yang lalu, tepatnya 25 September 2015, para pemimpin dunia secara resmi mengesahkan Agenda Tujuan Sustainable Development Goals di Markas Besar United Nations, termasuk Indonesia. Mengusung prinsip “No One Left Behind,” tujuan-tujuan ini diharapkan mampu mengubah arah dunia menuju pembangunan berkelanjutan yang berdasar pada hak asasi manusia, baik di bidang sosial, ekonomi, maupun lingkungan hidup.

Sustainable Development Goals memiliki 17 tujuan, yakni (1) tanpa kemiskinan; (2) tanpa kelaparan; (3) kehidupan sehat dan sejahtera; (4) pendidikan berkualitas; (5) kesetaraan gender; (6) air bersih dan sanitasi yang layak; (7) energi bersih dan terjangkau; (8) pekerjaan layak dan pertumbuhan ekonomi; (9) industri, inovasi, dan infrastruktur; (10) berkurangnya kesenjangan; (11) kota dan pemukiman berkelanjutan; (12) konsumsi dan produksi yang bertanggung jawab; (13) penanganan perubahan iklim; (14) ekosistem lautan; (15) ekosistem daratan; (16) perdamaian, keadilan, dan kelembagaan yang tangguh; (17) kemitraan untuk mencapai tujuan.

"Supaya mereka berkuasa... di bumi" : Sebuah Kisah Klasik dari Genesis

Pada mulanya, waktu Allah mulai menciptakan alam semesta, bumi belum berbentuk, dan masih kacau-balau. Samudra yang bergelora, yang menutupi segala sesuatu, diliputi oleh gelap gulita, tetapi kuasa Allah bergerak di atas permukaan air. Allah berkata, "Jadilah terang!" Lalu ada terang. Allah senang melihat hal itu. Lalu dipisahkan-Nya terang itu dari gelap, dan dinamakan-Nya terang itu "Siang" dan gelap itu "Malam". Malam lewat, dan jadilah pagi. Itulah hari yang pertama. Kemudian Allah berkata, "Jadilah sebuah kubah untuk membagi air itu menjadi dua, dan menahannya dalam dua tempat yang terpisah." Lalu hal itu terjadi. Demikianlah Allah membuat kubah yang memisahkan air yang ada di bawah kubah itu dari air yang ada di atasnya. Kubah itu dinamakan-Nya cakrawala. Malam lewat dan jadilah pagi. Itulah hari yang kedua.

Memasuki hari ketiga, Allah mengumpulkan air pada satu tempat, sehingga bagian bumi yang kering terlihat. Ia menamai kumpulan air itu laut dan yang kering itu darat. Hari terus berganti hari. Allah menciptakan segala jenis pepohonan beserta tumbuh-tumbuhan dna buah-buahan. Lalu Ia ciptakan benda-benda terang di langit untuk menerangi bumi pada siang dan malam hari. Allah meletakkan semuanya itu di cakrawala. Hari kembali berganti, kali ini Allah menciptakan berbagai jenis makhluk hidup di dalam air dan udara. Pada hari keenam, Allah menciptakan segala jenis binatang darat. Ia lihat seluruh karyanya dan merasa 

Demikianlah Allah menciptakan manusia, dan dijadikannya mereka seperti diri-Nya sendiri. Diciptakan-Nya mereka laki-laki dan perempuan. "Baiklah Kita menjadikan manusia menurut gambar dan rupa Kita, supaya mereka berkuasa atas ikan-ikan di laut dan burung-burung di udara dan atas ternak dan atas seluruh bumi dan atas segala binatang melata yang merayap di bumi..." Kemudian diberkati-Nya mereka. Allah memandang segala sesuatu yang telah dibuat-Nya itu dan Ia sangat senang. Malam lewat dan jadilah pagi. Itulah hari yang keenam.

Kerusakan alam sangat terkait dengan religiositas dan relasi manusia dengan sesama manusia, lingkungan sekitar, dan Allah. Pada tahun 1967, Lynn White Jr., seorang ahli sejarah abad-abad pertengahan, menulis artikel berjudul “The Historical Root of Our Ecological Crisis” yang dimuat dalam jurnal Science. Artikel ini menjadi tulisan yang sangat memengaruhi pemikiran kontemporer mengenai lingkungan hidup, secara khusus di dunia teologi. Sejak diterbitkan dalam jurnal tersebut, tulisan White dicetak ulang dalam berbagai publikasi dan telah memengaruhi dua generasi teolog yang memiliki perhatian khusus terhadap lingkungan.

White menyatakan bahwa perubahan peradaban manusia memengaruhi lingkungan dan makhluk selain manusia (White 1967, 1203). White melihat pemakaian mesin pembajak sawah sebagai salah satu contoh penemuan teknologi yang memengaruhi hubungan antara manusia dengan tanah. Sebelum mesin pembajak mulai banyak digunakan, petani mengolah tanah dan sawah sesuai dengan kemampuan mereka memiliki kerbau untuk membajak sawah tersebut. Artinya, tanah yang diubah menjadi persawahan pun dalam jumlah terbatas. Hasil panen sawah dimanfaatkan sebagai sumber makanan keluarga para petani. Penemuan mesin pembajak sawah membuat petani berorientasi pada hasil produksi sawah. Hasil panen tidak lagi dimanfaatkan sebagai sumber makanan, tetapi juga sumber penghasilan. Semakin banyak sawah, semakin banyak hasil panen, semakin banyak pula penghasilan yang didapatkan. White menuliskan, “Formerly man had been part of nature; now he was the exploiter of nature” (White, 1967: 1205).

Hutan, Ketidakadilan Sosio-Ekologis, dan Teologi

Bertahun-tahun lalu, Indonesia masih disebut sebagai paru-paru dunia. Mengapa? Karena negara ini dipenuhi hutan hujan tropis yang kaya akan flora dan fauna, dibandingkan dengan negara-negara lain di dunia. Akan tetapi, jika saat ini, per tahun 2019, ada yang mengatakan bahwa Indonesia adalah paru-paru dunia, maka orang tersebut akan saya tertawakan. Indonesia sebagai paru-paru dunia? Paru-paru seperti apa yang dimaksud? Paru-paru orang "bengek" (asma)? Atau paru-paru perokok? Mengingat kasus kebakaran hutan di Riau di tahun 2015 yang memakan lebih dari 2 juta hektar area hijau, maka dapat disimpulkan planet Bumi ini seperti perokok akut dengan paru-paru yang sudah rusak, hanya tinggal menunggu kematiannya.

Ruang Rahasia

Untuk pertama kalinya dalam kurun selamanya
hatiku sesak karena harus meninggalkan
cinta yang begitu berharga
kisah-kisah yang mengawang
indah namun penuh goresan darah

Aku terbang dalam kekosongan
karena yang terlewatkan masih menjejak nyata
Aku masih menjadi boneka di dalamnya
Kuputar tanpa henti
senandung indah itu
kehangatan itu
sentuhan itu
suara yang menenangkan itu

Jesus and the Samaritan Woman: Constructing a Theology of Migration

I wrote this essay for a course that I attended.

Women often are the ones who get negative results from the double standards created by the society. In a heteronormative system, domestic work labeled as women's work is never preferred as a real job that requires professional expertise as well. This is also evident in the issue of migration. Male immigrants must experience social injustices, such as very low payment, bad employer, and others. Women who migrate because they have to meet family needs often experience injustice caused by their status as "the weaker" part of the patriarchal community. Countries that accept these migrants, both legally and illegally, refuse to accept the fact that they need less-paid workers, especially in the field of care and household. These two fields play an important role in social and economic development in each country.

A Perfect Naivity

Let the music play

And the movie begin

I asked for a dream

Don't give me a bubble of nothing

Childhood is a home

For everyone who never asks

I called it a dream

An envisioned future

Jakarta, in the midnight, 19/10/2017, after an overwhelming class

I have this class called Trauma, Theology, and Aesthetics. In that class, we learned to share our tears. We shared our burdens yet we took our friend’s burdens to become our own. We learned to embrace the vulnerability of creation. We risk to change our point of view, our way of thinking, upside down. We learn to read the Bible differently. We learn to hear and to listen to the voice of the voiceless. We risk ourselves, our theology, for being the witness to the brokenness of humanity, of our society, which they tried to hide. We offer them the brutality of reality, which they could not bear, all this time. We risk ourselves, we risk our theology. We risk our faith.

In that class, we shared tears. Even society could not bear the tears. Tears are something taboo, that you must hide it and keep it private. Keep it to yourself.

Our society is a cold stone. We are the water drop. And if we keep dropping the reality, the cold stone will break.  This is a community of sharing.

I have learned many things the hard way. God can be absent, God cries, God has been through death. God can be as vulnerable as human being can be, as creation can be this point of view breaks all Christian doctrines which shows the powerfulness, almighty, the presentfulness of God. Therefore, I can see God as a friend. Not like some usual friend, but rather, an intimate friend, who walks with me and accompanies me, through the darkness, through the death, the abyss of life, the wound, and the trauma itself. Like the lyric of a song: I will fear no evil, for my God is with me. And if my God is with me, whom then shall I fear?

Maybe it takes dying to detach... and find yourself again

Bulan Juli 2016 menjadi sangat penting bagiku. Di bulan ini aku mulai mengenal teman-teman baruku, mulai mengenal jemaat, dan tanpa kusadari aku telah menyayangi mereka dengan begitu rupa. Aku dan mereka telah menghabiskan waktu bersama. Berjam-jam, berhari-hari, berminggu-minggu, hingga kini tanpa disetujui, aku harus menghakhiri segala petualanganku di tempat ini, bumi Halmahera yang surgawi.

Pantai Wayabailo

Untuk kedua kalinya aku memimpin ibadah di GMIH Lahairoi Pediwang. Aku menyadari bahwa aku begitu cepat terbiasa dengan jemaat ini. Bahaya ketika membiasakan sesuatu adalah kita tidak lagi mempersiapkan waktu khusus bagi pelayanan kita. Bagiku membiasakan diri sama saja dengan berhenti belajar karena ujung-ujungnya aku akan menganggap enteng hal-hal yang harus kukerjakan itu.

Ibadah Minggu yang selalu berganti mengikuti liturgi GMIH yang diatur per minggu menjadi satu hal yang mencegahku untuk menganggap mudah tugasku di gereja. Aku harus mengecek tata ibadah dengan teliti agar tidak salah memimpin.

AnakkonKi do hamoraon di Ahu, ninna Debata

pict by Sarawut Intarob

Sumringah
Begitu semula senyum itu
Anak dan Boru ni Raja tersemat di antara namanya
Embara Habatahon mengalir deras
Menyatu dengan darahnya

Dari permulaan ia merangkak
Hingga berdikari kini
Telinganya selalu dibisikkan
“Anakkonkhi do hamoraon di ahu.”
“Anakku adalah harta kekayaanku.”
Di meja makan, di antara kudapan-kudapan nikmat
Kalimat itu disenandungkan merdu
Dari atas mimbar, di antara ayat-ayat kitab suci
Kalimat itu digaungkan

Holy Grandeur Enough for All

Abstract

Natural degradation is not merely a competition between ecology and economy. The destruction of nature is closely related to religiosity and human relationships to fellow human beings, the environment, and God. Ecotheology becomes a self-criticism of the classical doctrines of Christianity, which are considered to exalt humankind as the "crown of creation" and marginalize non-human creatures as commodities of economic value for human interests. Ecotheology seems to have talked too often about damaged nature, or even extinct plants or animals, and forgetting the other side of the bountiful biodiversities, which is the holy beauty of nature. Ecotheology needs to ponder that God, the Holy Grandeur, who manifests the cosmic wisdom in the beauty of all creation, is enough for all.
Keyword: Holy Grandeur, Sophia, ecotheology, Eastern Orthodox, holy beauty

Neither Confounding Nor Dividing: The Personhood of People with Disability

Abstract

In the society that makes ableism as a normal standard, self-autonomy is often identified with the personhood. The personhood of people with disability is often reduced because they are seen to be unable to perform their activities ‘normally’ without any help from others. All creations are relational beings because they are created by and in a relational God. The Church witnessed their faith, through Athanasian creed, that the Holy Trinity neither confounding the Persons (persona), nor dividing the Essence (substantia). Using Duns Scotus’s theory of haecceitas, I argue that every human being, even every creation, especially people with disability, possesses the thisness of their own that comes from the thisness of the relational Holy Trinity.

Keywords: disability, thisness, personhood, communion, doctrine of Trinity